The Pope is the Most Interesting Man in the World
Here are all the reasons why, from the new, all-Pope special issue of Esquire Weekly.
Here are all the reasons why, from the new, all-Pope special issue.
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Let Us Explain
He's funny, smart, and fearless. He drives a lousy car and won't wear flashy shoes. He's a masterful politician, a mover of people. He's nice to the gays, except when he's not. He's nice to women, even if the institution he runs often isn't. He's a brilliant corporate turnaround artist, a quiet revolutionary, a fan of Wagner, and Caravaggio, and Dostoyevsky. He might be a charlatan; he might, underneath all the happy talk and symbolic gestures, be more of the same from a hobbled and ancient institution. But whether you're religious or secular, charmed or repelled, you can't deny the man is fascinating in a way no one else on the world stage is right now.
So in the latest special issue of Esquire Weekly, we examined this man, Francis, to see what this phenomenon tells us about the world we live in. Over the next few days, we'll release articles from some of Esquire's best writers as they examine this man. But first, a quick primer...
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This is What He Looked Like as a Kid
And a few more essential details:
Date of Birth: December 17, 1936
Which Makes Him: 76
Birth Name: Jorge Mario Bergoglio
Hometown: Flores, in Buenos Aires, Argentina
Son of: An accountant and a housewife
Ordained on: December 13, 1969
Key Posts Held: Provincial superior of the Society of Jesus in Argentina; titular bishop of Auca; archbishop of Buenos Aires; cardinal-priest of San Roberto Bellarmino
First Day of Papacy: March 13, 2013
Pope Number: 266
Papal Firsts: From the Americas; from the Southern Hemisphere; Jesuit; to take the name Francis
Papal Namesake: Saint Francis of Assisi
Reason for Name Selection: "[He was] the man of the poor. The man of peace. The man who loved and cared for creation and in this moment we don't have such a great relationship with the creator. The man who gives us this spirits of peace, the poor man who wanted a poor church."
Nickname: The Cold-Call Pope
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His New Ride Makes the Popemobile Look Like an Aston Martin
It's a 1984 Renault 4 with 186,000 miles on it—worth about eleven hundred dollars. But that's not the humblest thing about the papal rattle-trap. According to the manufacturer's own site: "For the Italian launch, a famous model refused to be photographed with the Renault 4 because she didn't find it glamorous enough."
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Pope Benedict XVI Was Not His Real Predecessor...
It was a different man—a quiet revolutionary. Charles P. Pierce explains here.
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... Nor Were These Guys
Here are four of them (clockwise from top-left):
Pope Sergius III
Died in 911
Said to have murdered his predecessor. Made his son—via a teenage prostitute mistress—the next pope.
Pope Alexander VI
Died in 1503
Reportedly enlisted fifty prostitutes in what was called "the Joust of the Whores," in which he and cardinals threw chestnuts on the ground for the women to battle for, naked. The scene then became an orgy.
Pope Paul IV
Died in 1559
Issued a canon that created a ghetto and forced Jews to live in it. They were in at night and kept from higher paying, more reputable jobs. Men were required to wear a yellow hat to identify themselves; women were forced to wear yellow kerchiefs.
Urban VIII
Died in 1644
Imprisoned Galileo for the purported heresy of writing that the sun was the motionless center of the earth. The scientist remained under house arrest until he died, then the pope forbade him to be buried beside his father and ancestors.
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But This Guy Was, and He's Okay with Being Deposed
Yes, we spoke with the other Most Interesting Man in the World to get his okay. You can read the interview here.
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His New Name Has a Rich Lineage, Aside from St. Francis
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You Can Throw Things at Him
Two Sundays ago, in St. Peter's Square, the pontiff had finished leading Mass and was exiting through the crowd, waving, and occasionally kissing children. Standard pope fare. But then someone threw a rosary at him, and it lassoed perfectly around his ear. According to reports, Francis was taken aback, but nonetheless unhooked it, blessed it, and threw it back into the crowd. Yes, for one brief moment, the pope was Tom Jones.
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He's a Political Genius...
Which means that he's a damn good example for this hopeless, howling wreck of a Congress. And for more reasons than just that, writes Joe Keohane.
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... And a Brilliant CEO
"He's done an excellent job of redirecting the narrative." —legendary dealmaker Jimmy Lee, on the pope as a turnaround artist
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... Who Will Lead the Church Into Modernity.
And a world in which humanity means more than religion, says Stephen Marche.
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A Woman Almost Made Him Change His Mind
A brief story from his 2010 book Sobre el Cielo y la Tierra (On the Heavens and the Earth), translated by Catholic news website Aleteia:
"I was dazzled by a girl I met at an uncle's wedding. I was surprised by her beauty, her intellectual brilliance... and, well, I was bowled over for quite a while. I kept thinking and thinking about her. When I returned to the seminary after the wedding, I could not pray for over a week, because when I tried to so, the girl appeared in my head. I had to rethink what I was doing. I was still free because I was a seminarian, so I could have gone back home and that was it... When something like this happens to a seminarian, I help him go in peace to be a good Christian and not a bad priest."
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... And He Makes a Regrettable Lesbian Crush Object
"I love him, and every time he says something beautiful, he makes me so angry I could spit teeth," writes Lissa Harris.
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He Doesn't Have the Stones to Wear These Shoes
And that's quite okay, says Jonathan Evans.
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He Inspires Jokes...
Here are four of them in quick succession:
• Francis is funnier than Pope Benedict, although, to be fair, Eggs Benedict are funnier than Pope Benedict.
• Poor Pope Benedict is alive and around to hear how much more everyone loves the new guy. For a holy man this is the closest he'll ever get to cuckold porn.
• Some people are even saying he might allow married men to become priests. Finally we'll get some guys in there that are used to celibacy.
• I heard the pope is going to drive his own car: a used Renault. The man is driving a 1984 Renault. The pope may be infallible, but I have a feeling his car isn't going to be.
From Paul Mecurio, comic, ex-Daily Show writer, and host of The Paul Mecurio Show.
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... And, More Importantly, He Inspired a Cocktail
With the help of a bartender at a place called Tipsy Parson. Check it out here.
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All of this and more. Subscribe to Esquire on your iPad. Check it out here.
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