Jim Gaffigan and his wife, Jeannie, have five children, who range from two to eleven years old, and they all live in a two-bedroom apartment in New York City. If that sounds like fodder for comedy, it is—The Jim Gaffigan Show debuts July 15 on TV Land. Much of the subject matter is drawn from personal experiences the comedian has tackled in books and on stage, and the show gives you a sense of what it might be like to have five kids running around you all the time. Gaffigan, whose real-life family will join him on the bus for his long comedy tour this summer, talked to us about fatherhood, parenting mistakes, and why he's not so into Father's Day.
What do your kids think about you making a TV show based on your family?
It's a blurry thing. Social media is a blurry thing, too, because you never want to go full Kardashian. But look, I'm a comedian. Point of view is a very personal thing. So it's finding a balance. When Jeannie [Gaffigan] and I co-hosted The Late Late Show, we had our kids on it and they did an opening number, and there was a version of the pilot for this show where our kids played our kids. They loved it, but we came to the conclusion that it's one thing if they do something here and there like The Late Late Show, but there needs to be a balance. My dad was a small-town banker. I was with Bob Saget and his daughter last weekend and I was asking her, "What's it like to have a dad who is a comedian?" She said, "It's the only thing I've ever known."
How difficult is it to parent five children?
It's difficult to parent one kid! It's insane. It's this strange, overwhelming mess that I would not trade for anything. I think it's more difficult in New York City. It's not like we can hop in the minivan and go somewhere. I don't own a car. It's chaos anywhere. Being a parent is difficult. Being a son and a daughter is difficult. It's a human relationship. It's great fodder for material. That's why the Father's Day thing is something I think is kind of humorous. I feel like Father Day's is a bit of an afterthought culturally.
How so?
We all take Mother's Day seriously and then it's like a month later, a bunch of kids get together and say, "I guess we should do this for the old man, too." Father Day's is weird. It's like celebrating Darth Vader's birthday. It's odd I think. Even the gifts we give dads. Like neckties, which are just like a silk noose. Or books. Would you ever want someone from another generation to give you a book? Or they give you books on parenting, like, "Here, this is what our relationship was supposed to be like." It's also lumped in with the grads. So it's "Dads and Grads." It's the two most entitled, lazy, know-it-all segments of our society that get their own subsection at Target.
Have you ever gotten something good, though?
My wife is amazing and I'm sure she'll do something good. But I'm a very lucky guy. I don't need anything. I don't have time to read a book. I hate ties. I want to be left alone. I view Father Day's as this pretend holiday that my kids get a kick out of.
On a given day, how many minutes do you spend alone?
None. My wife is a big believer in attachment parenting, which is this thing where if the kid cries, you pick them up. Stuff that seems like decent human behavior. There's no "You sleep in your bed, I'll sleep in my bed." They all end up coming into our bedroom. And I have five kids so there's some nights where there are seven people in my bed. I'm not a small guy. So I'll usually just leave and sleep in one of their beds. I complain about it, but I love it. Does that sound believable? I do love it. I also think men are inherently selfish. The reason moms look good is because they're compared to dads. I think men have to fight selfishness. It's a tougher battle—you can just send that over to Jezebel right now. Men fight the selfishness every day. And maybe their skill set is ordering pizzas and changing a diaper here and there. You want to hear this romantic notion of how it's all fine and dandy, but I think it's like that Ben Folds song "Still Fighting It." Men are monsters and we have to fight monstrous behavior.
What is the biggest mistake you've made as a parent?
The amount of guilt you deal with as a parent is pretty profound. It's a constant balancing act. I'm an ambitious person, but when I became a father, ambition had a different hold on me. Providing for my kids was important, but the superficial ambition drifted away. The biggest mistake is time management. I don't want to be this guy that my kids don't know. I don't care if they don't like me. The odds are they're not going to like me. But I want them to know and remember me. I don't know if that's a mistake or a fear. These children are on loan. You're a caretaker to another human being and you don't want to fuck that up. You don't want to be that guy that caused another hurdle in their lives. Some of that means having a presence. So the mistake is not playing the bad cop or not showing up.
Is it okay for a parent to like one of their kids better than the others?
I feel like that's weird. People ask me that on Twitter, like, "Which one is your favorite?" And that is weird. Or at a family reunion someone will be like, "Oh they're the best-looking grandkid!" My kids are so dramatically different, but it's not like I would trade one in or like there's one I would pick over the other ones. I know that sounds like I'm bullshitting. I also have five of them so I barely know them.
In the course of being a parent, has one of your kids ever said something that convinced you they might be an alien being?
Constantly! You'll be asleep and suddenly they're next to your bed. They'll look at you like it's a Stephen King movie and it's like, "Were you just about to stab me? What are you doing in here and how long were you standing there?" It is amazing what they know and what they don't know. My son will start singing a Lorde song and I'll have no idea how he heard it. My son, who is in third grade, wrote an essay on the Korean War. I didn't even know about the Korean War until like five years ago. It's constant sources of amazement—and some weird stuff.
What's the best thing to feed kids?
Pizza. It's the national food of all children. Kids that don't like pizza are satanic. I've been to like 200 kids' birthday parties and 198 of them, pizza was there. It's so easy. It's portable. They can pick it up. It's easy to eat. I think pizza is easy for kids. But every kid is different. Some want seafood.
Is there anyone you look to as a role model for being a good father?
For me it seems like all other parents know what they're doing. I seem incompetent next to them. But a role model? My wife is pretty impressive in that she's tireless. She'll get up at 8 a.m. on a Saturday and take the kids to Chelsea Piers and I'm like, "Are you crazy?" So I would say my wife is very impressive. But I'm not a big hero guy. And the life most people are leading when they have kids is very different from mine anyway.
