Comedian Jim Gaffigan's latest book, Food: A Love Story, came out yesterday. It's a highly entertaining and opinionated rumination on food—Gaffigan's memories of it and his connections to it. Gaffigan shared an excerpt about steak with Esquire.com here. Now, Josh Ozersky talks to him about the book, bone marrow, and the audacity of American cheese.
ESQUIRE.COM: Your book about food is great. It's ten times better than most food writing. At least, it's more honest.
JIM GAFFIGAN: It has to be. There's this whole culinary world, and I'm pretty ignorant about it. I'm just a comedian who wrote a book about food. I'm not a foodie. As long as I can have a decent cheeseburger now and then, I'm happy.
ESQ: But food has played a big part in your life. This selection about your father's attitude towards steak, I think, really rings true for a lot of us.
JG: Yeah, but my attitude is different from my father's. He had an attitude toward steak that was part of him growing up in a depression era. Steak was like a victory for him. Steakhouses appeal to me because of this whole old-world, "you're just here to eat" feeling. There's no hostess that looks like a 20-year-old J.C. Penny model. It's just about steak. It's not obnoxious; it's just guyish. Unapologetic. You can get spinach, but it's cooked in ice cream. A potato stuffed with 20 sticks of butter. Salad with crumbled blue cheese. Green vegetables were considered a weed.
ESQ: Do you think it goes to far?
JG: No, nobody wants vegetables at a steakhouse. Though maybe sometimes the sides do go a little too far. This whole bone-marrow thing is something I can't get on top of. I love meat, but saying, "This is the thing that helps cows stand up right. I think I'll drink some of it," is weird. I'm a carnivore, but I'm not drinking meat.
ESQ: Bacon has gotten out of hand like that, too.
JG: I know! It's really fascinating. Oscar Meyer sent me a bacon alarm clock. Burger King has a bacon sundae. There's even a bacon man cave. I mean, how far are you going go? It's like having a bar in your house. If you have a bar in your house, you're an alcoholic. Bacon is the same way. It's a food. Just eat it.
ESQ: We're talking a lot about meat. How do you feel about vegetables?
JG: It depends. The avocado is so good that I think it should be classified as a cheese. There are some vegetables I really hate. If they find that kale cures cancer I would still go into chemo.
ESQ: That's harsh! But not as harsh as all the terrible things you say in the book about American cheese. What is your problem with American cheese? You don't look like a commie.
JG: I don't want to start a Dixie Chicks-style controversy. But yeah, what's the point of American cheese? It's like decaf coffee or non-alcoholic beer. It's not cheese; it's masquerading as cheese.
ESQ: You say you love cheeseburgers. How can you not love American cheese then? They practically define cheeseburger. Did you ever have farmhouse cheddar on a burger? Half of it turns into wax and the rest runs off as clear grease.
JG: OK, I'll give you that much. American cheese does melt well. But that doesn't make it cheese. It's functional on a Steak 'n Shake burger. You love the gooeyness of it. I get that. But when you see it in a deli counter, it's just wrong. It's masquerading.
ESQ: As what?
JG: As food. It's like movie popcorn where you pour "golden flavor" on it. American cheese is the worst; the President should relabel it Al-Qaeda cheese.
ESQ: I will have you know that no less a personage than Wylie Dufresne, the acclaimed modernist chef, is a huge advocate of American cheese. He eats it all day long.
JG: He's just trying to come off as an everyman. Once you've had a good British cheddar, you can't go back to American cheese. I get that you love it, but it's still bad. It's like sleeping on Styrofoam instead of a Posturepedic. I want to write a letter to Kraft demanding that they apologize to America.
